Relationship Tips For High School Sweethearts



Are You Thinking Of Divorcing High School Sweetheart?

Jay P. Granat, Ph.D.

               Take a moment to think back to your high school days.  Recall

the songs that were popular, your school colors, your favorite teacher,

the teacher you hated, the school cafeteria, your best friends, what you did on Friday

nights, what you did on Saturday nights, your first car, and the person you had a

a crush on and your date to your senior prom.

Youngsters are starting to get ready for their school proms. So, this annual

ritual got me thinking about relationships and young adults crushes, relationships

and marriage.

Some high school crushes turn into relationships. Romances

during the teen years can feel pretty hot and heavy. High school

school romances are supercharged by raging hormones,

the newness of the experience, a desire to show parents that

you are now adults, and in some cases, by peer pressure to be connected

to a boyfriend or a girlfriend. In my youth, this was called “going steady.”

Over the years, I have counseled many men and woman who

married their high school sweetheart. Some of these couples got

married when they were well under twenty one years of age.

In my view, it is hard for a relationship which begins in late adolescence

to remain intact through adulthood.   I say this for several reasons.

First and foremost, people grow and change a great deal from age thirty-

five to age fifty. However, the growth and change that they experience from

age eighteen to thirty five is enormous.   How likely is it for people who meet

at this young age to grow in a similar or compatible manner? In my opinion,

it is quite improbable.

During these years, people are apt to want to change majors, change jobs,

travel and live in different places.   It is hard for two people to get on the same

path when one or both of them are considering these kinds of changes. Again,

think about how different you were at age eighteen vs. age thirty five.

People are also still apt to be sexually curious during their late adolescence

and may be more inclined to stray from their marriages to explore other romantic

opportunities at this time in their lives. Extramarital affairs put a lot of pressure

on marriages and frequently cause their demise.

In addition, we know that some marital stress is caused by financial

pressure. People who get married young sometimes do not give themselves

a chance to develop the careers and the earning power they need to live comfortably.

This may be particularly true in today’s bumpy economy.

Keeping a relationship and family vibrant and intact requires maturity, patience,

selflessness, flexibility and well honed communication skills. How many of us have

these qualities in our early years?

Not surprisingly, a recent study reported by The American Psychological Association

points out that people who marry as teens are more likely to get divorced than are

people who marry later in life.

Now, I am not saying that you can’t live happily ever after with your love

from the eleventh grade. There are some people who have done this successfully.

However, it may be wise to postpone marriage until your mid twenties just to

make sure the two of you are growing in a compatible way and are still the right

fit for one another.

Jay P. Granat, Ph.D., is Psychotherapist and a Licensed Marriage And Family

Therapist.  He is also the Founder of and

He can be reached at 201 647-9191 or at


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